Pat's Lyric Tips
Productive Repetition
Look at this from Joni Mitchell:
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In sorrow she can lure you where she wants you
Inside your own self-pity there you swim
In sinking down to drown her voice still haunts you
And only with your laughter can you win
Can you win? Can you win?
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Look at:
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And only with your laughter can you win
Can you win? Can you win?
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By simply repeating a portion of the line, "can you win," we move from a declarative sentence into a question, creating new energy, and adding a new idea- in this case, the character's uncertainty whether winning (laughter) is possible.
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Think of it as hunting for hidden treasures: learn to start looking at sentences as not just for meaning, but for little pieces of meaning that can be isolated and repeated, giving additional information or emphasis with a new grammatical type.
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Here are some ways to create productive repetition:
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1. From Questions that use interrogative pronouns (who what where why when how) and auxiliary verbs (did, do, does, will, could, would, etc.). Drop the interrogative pronoun, which isolates a phrase inside the original sentence, in this case, the auxiliary verbs: "do" (present), "did" (past), and "will" (future):
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Who do you love? Do you love?
What do you try? Do you try?
When do I know? Do I know?
Where do you go? Do you go?
Why do you laugh? Do you laugh?
How do you see? Do you see?
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Who did you love? Did you love?
What did you try? Did you try?
When did I know? Did I know?
Where did you go? Did you go?
Why did you laugh? Did you laugh?
How did you see? Did you see?
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Who will you love? Will you love?
What will you try? Will you try?
When will I know? Will I know?
Where will you go? Will you go?
Why will you laugh? Will you laugh?
How will you see? Will you see?
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It also works when you use the subjunctive (can, could, should, would) with the interrogative pronoun. Simply delete the pronoun:
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Who can you love? Can you love?
What can you try? Can you try?
When can I know? Can I know?
Where can you go? Can you go?
Why can you laugh? Can you laugh?
How can you see? Can you see?
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Who could you love? Could you love?
What could you try? Could you try?
When could I know? Could I know?
Where could you go? Could you go?
Why could you laugh? Could you laugh?
How could you see? Could you see?
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Who should you love? Should you love?
What should you try? Should you try?
When should I know? Should I know?
Where should you go? Should you go?
Why should you laugh? Should you laugh?
How should you see? Should you see?
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Who would you love? Would you love?
What would you try? Would you try?
When would I know? Would I know?
Where would you go? Would you go?
Why would you laugh? Would you laugh?
How would you see? Would you see?
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2. Isolate the verb to create a command: Deleting the subject of a present tense, second-person declarative sentence creates a command.
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"Sometimes you tell me that you want me."
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Delete the subject, isolating the verb, and presto, you have a command,
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"Tell me that you want me."
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And even:
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"Want me."
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Note: This example is in 2nd person, but it will not work in 3rd Person, since 3rd Person adds an "s" to the verb. It creates only simple repetition- no command is created: She tells me that she wants me. Tells me that she wants me. Wants me.
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Try it with,
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You give me everything I need.
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It even works with questions, for example:
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Why can't you rely on yourself?
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Whenever you are working with present tense verbs, look for the opportunity to repeat from the verb on to create a command. Remember that this technique only works in First Person and Second Person, not Third Person.
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3. Using the Infinitive: When in past or future tense, use the infinitive ("to") form of the verb so the verb can be isolated, creating a present tense command:
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Did you want to win my heart? Win my heart.
He loved to walk alone. Walk alone.
Could you love to walk alone? Walk alone.
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In general, simply be alert to the smaller grammatical units in your lines. Sometimes they can do something really special.
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Do something really special.
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Would you like to be a better writer?
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Be a better writer.